What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

True - how I loved my mum!

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

When have you been in an accident where the other person involved blatantly lied to the police about what transpired?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

What! how could you do that?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

Is it possible for people who claim to be genuine and honest to actually not be? If so, why do they behave this way?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

My cantankerous beagle is very badly behaved at the dog park and always starts barking at the other dogs. Would pepper spray be an effective method to correct his inappropriate behavior?

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

What is the opposite personality type of someone with ASPD (antisocial personality disorder)?

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

What do you mean son?

Why are men today so pussiefied?

Do you know what she said mum?